1.Number 4
Number 4 in the beginning
There was one--
Himself had just began
Then along came number 2--
The other way round is your clue
And after that came 3--
Written by you know me
Now i'm not saying anymore
Except to tell you
That this is not number 1： number2：
Number 3： or number 5 but number 4
2.A Woman's Place
I may be old fashioned
So what if i am
I'm not any different
To any other man
I'm not one of those
Who look for blood from a stone
But i believe
A woman's place is in the home.
Now i'm not one to kid you
You know it's not my style
I wouldn't want to hurt you
Not even for a while
I'm all for a woman
Who can make it on her own
But i believe
A woman's place is in the home.
Ooh baby i believe, i do
A woman's place is in the home.
Wonder what would have happened
Had a woman flattened
Rocky marciano's nose
Would there have been
A change of views
Would women no longer be used
The way they seem
To think they're being
I know what you're thinking
And you've every right to moan
But i believe, yes indeed, i do,
A woman's place is in the home.
Ooh baby i believe, i do
A woman's place is --in the home
3.No More
Tried to see you yesterday
I had so many things i wanted to say
Yet when knocked your mother answered the door
Said i can see you no more.
Why？ i asked her politely
You're not her type, she said, you're too carefree
So take your bunch of wild petunias and go
We don't want you here no more
Now why does it always have to be me
Who gets picked upon just like three
Daisies in a jam jar looking bored
Or three spanish bullfighters
That have just been gored
Why don't you try helping me
By telling your mother how charming i can be
And maybe the next time that i knock on your door
She won't send me away no more.
4.It's So Easy To Be Sad
See the statues in the square
They almost look alive
It's amazing after all these years
How they've survived
Two young children gazing at them
Faces so forlorn
One is saying to the other
I wonder how they're born
It's funny how we always tend
To look back on our past
As if they were the only good times
That we're ever going to have
See the river heading outwards
Watch the ships sail in
Notice how despite their size
They very rarely sink
Tell the man who's watching with you
His shoelace is undone
When he looks pretend you didn't notice
You were wrong
And anytime there's trouble up ahead
Don't get into a state
Where you wish you were dead
Just take your time and do
What you believe is right
It could turn out to be
A blessing in disguise-disguise-
It's funny how we always tend
To overlook the bad
Doesn't anybody know that
It's so easy to be sad
Talk about doing what you do best
Seems to me the more you do
The less you get
All told i would say that it was pretty grim
Although on the other hand
I've got a ring
Mass unemployment's at an all time best
Why not quit your job and take a well earned rest
Grow old on the dole
That's the life i need
Everybody's doing it so why not me
5.My Father
I shudder to think what my father would think
If he came home and found me in bed
With more then just one
But several of some
Lovely big strawberries
He'll probably shout
Give me a hell of a clout
Or perhaps a good kick up the rear
But one thing's for sure
I'll have to endure
A great deal of pain so to speak
I know it's not right
But for a laugh every night
I knock on people's doors
And shout things like up yours
I'll never know why
But for some reason i
Never did well at school
All i did was break rules and tell lies
His birthday's next week
So i though as a treat
I would buy him his favourite book
It's not one of those poetic prose
Just full frontal nudity
6.The Marriage Machine
There will be days
We'll be in each others way
Down each others throats
Like you wouldn't believe
But then who was it said
Married life begins in bed
And ends up somewhat disparagingly
You say to me that you love me truly
I say to you likewise i feel just the same
But then who really knows
When two people get that close
That their feelings to each other
Won't change
I'll kiss you and then i'll kiss you once again
And pray to god once we get married there
(there)just won't come a time
When we'll wish we'll have changed our minds
A problem to end all our dreams
So there will be days
We'll be in each other ways
Down each others throats
Just you wait and see
But don't be upset
After all that's what you get
When you become part of the marriage machine
Part of the marriage machine.
7.If You Ever
If you ever go to school
Then you'll know that it's a fool
Who believes a teachers pet
Is a pupil like yourself
For if i remember well
My old teachers was a belt
Which he kept around his shoulder blade
There for the mistakes we made
Have you ever been to sea
And been told reluctantly
That if you have one more drink
We're all liable to sink
If you have all i can say
Is have a happy holiday
And don't come back without a tan
Especially from a far off land
Funny old world this
Or haven't you noticed
Everything's glued on
Nothing is screwed on
One day we will come unstuck
But until then we're in luck
If you ever feel the need
To go out and plant a seed
Then by all means go ahead
I won't stop you but instead
I will tell you where to go
And the seeds that you can grow
And by way of payment back i think
You could buy us all a drink
Funny old world this
Or haven't you noticed
Nothing is certain
Gone for a burton
Something must be done they say
But for the moment it can wait.
8.The Thing Is
Oh i was walking down the street
When a man came up to me
And said don't i know you？
And i said, well, you might do
But the thing is ooh, the thing is
I don't know you-
Now i was driving in my car
And i had not gone very far
When from out of nowhere
I thought i saw a big bear
But the thing is ooh, the thing is
No bear was there -
Did somebody here just mention (hong kong)
Isn't that the place where suzi (wong's form)
I saw the film (and did you like it？)
Well, to be honest i didn't mind it.
Oh, i was sitting back in my chair
When a man came on the air
And said, well, hello there
And, i said, well, hello there
But the thing is (but the thing is)
Ooh, the thing is (ooh, the thing is)
I don't have a radio
I don't have a radio
But i've got a sister in crewe
I don't have a radio
I don't have a radio
And i've got a brother there, too.
Do you？
Interlude
That's all for now
But before you turn to the other side
You can go out
With a taste of the music i'll provide
There are songs that i've written recently like...
(extract)
And some that were written previously
Why not hear-me
9.Just Like Me
There's a swinging little place
On the outskirts of town
There's a rocking little band
That will have you jumping up and down-
You just grab your car and take a drive
And you will see
You'll be rocking just like me
If you don't want to dance
You can watch the band play-
I can guarantee you they're worth
Every minute of your stay-
So just grab your car and take a drive
And you will see
You'll be rocking just like me
Just like me baby just like me
Just like me baby just like me
Just like little richard oohing
Just like chuck berry cruising
Baby wait and see
Over in the corner
Sitting all on her own
Sits a little lady by the name of joan
Joan is there to help you
If you need a hand
But only for a price you understand
10.Victor E
This pleasure book i'm writing
Doesn't give me any thrill
All it does is prove conclusively
Where there's a way there's will
Who by the way along with mary
Peter, patsy, and paul.
Has the cheek to turn the other
When the other was on the ball
It will be done thy will become
Not this or that or thee
But something far more mature
Like victor e.
I can't forget the moment
Of my very first affair
When the lights were low
The music so soft fred, my record player
Began to do the two step
Side by side my prize antique
And before you know it there they were
Engaging cheek to cheek
It will be done thy will become
Not this or that or thee
But something far more mature
Like victor e.
If ever there's a moment
I feel absolutely sure
That what i'm about to verge upon
Won't rate the least obscure
Then just to recap on that point
I'd like now this to say
When the indians begin to charge
What will the cavalry pay
It will be done thy will become
Not this or that or thee
But something far more mature
Like victor e.
Victor a. victor b. victor c. victor d.
Victor e
11.I Wonder Would You Mind
Did you ever (never) neither have i
Well, pardon me for breathing but
Would you give me back my cup
You know the one i mean
Yes, you do because i've seen you take it out
From time to time
I wonder would you mind
Excuse me ma'm your hand it's on my knee
Oh, would you mind removing it
My collars getting rather stiff
And i'm not one to fuss
But if i don't catch my bus
I'm afraid i won't be home in time
I wonder would you mind
If i asked you for a date
Kept you out three hours late
Would you be happy or upset
Would you no longer have respect for me
Would i just be a danger
On your mark get set all ready go
And don't be such a silly ass
Just because you failed to pass
It doesn't mean to say
You can't try another day
Why even failures pass in time
I wonder would you mind
12.15 Times
Move along, move along, move along
Said the man with the uniform on
Get away, get away, get away
Said the goldfish to the whale
Oh what have i done now
And the goldfish replied you fool
You're too big for me
And i'm too yellow for you
Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up
Said the greyhound to her pup
What a life, what a life, what a life
Said the husband to his wife
Oh where did we go wrong
And the husband to put it crude
Said you're no fun anymore
And i'm fed up with -
-you and me and baby makes
3, 4, 5, 6, 7
8, 9, 10 and 11
12, 13, 14, 15 times 44 is 660!
And again, and again, and again
Said the masochist to his friend
What a cheek, what a cheek, what a cheek
Said the hen to the portuguese
Oh what have we done wrong
And the hen replied you fools
You're too many for me
And i'm too chicken for -
-you and me and baby makes
3, 4, 5, 6, 7
8, 9, 10 and 11
12, 13, 14, 15 times 44 is 660!
13.Nothing To Do About Much
I don't know why i came here on my own
There's so little to do
I'm like a dog without a bone
If i can't get to sleep
I'll just count sheep
Nothing to do about much
I could wander for hours in the rain
I could stand on the corner
Watch the traffic lights change
Boy am i having fun
The green lights just come on
Nothing to do about much
And to tell you the truth i'm not sure
I'm told i've got something
That's difficult to cure
So it seems for the moment at least
I've got to remain where i won't freeze -
There's a party at number twenty one
You've invited as long as you're accompanied by someone
But as i'm on my own
I'll just stay at home
Nothing to do about much
I will bet you a penny to a pound
That before very long
I will be buried underground
Pushing daisies up high oh, what a life
Nothing to do about much
I've got gold in my pockets
I've got wind in my hair
I've got so much to be grateful for
Of that i'm aware
I've got dreams which are nothing but
But the weirdest of thoughts
I've got night after night
On which it appears
That i ought not to cry
Don't ask me why -
I might lie
14.Can't Get You To Love Me
I can mark time walk a straight line
Grab a mad bull by the nose
I can stand still on an ant-hill
And not once get itchy toes
I can even for no reason
Be as nice as i am rude
But i can't get you to love me
I just can't get you to love me
What do i do？
I can stand up put my hand up
Where perhaps it shouldn't be
I can go down to a hoe-down？
Have one hell of a yippee!
I can also if you must know
Do whatever else i choose
But i can't get you to love me
I just can't get you to love me
What do i do？
All of my life i've been waiting
For a moment like this
And now that i've found it
You know something's amiss
Can't get you to love me...
I can tell tales hammer toe-nails
Write a letter to the queen
I can easily and discreetly
Be as charming as obscene
When i feel light
I can take a fight
But i know one thing for sure
I just can't get you to love me
I just can't get you to love me
What do i do？
15.Always Somebody
Whatever you are whatever you miss
Whatever you're thinking whatever it is
Whatever you feel and whatever you do
Remember there's always somebody
Worse off than you
Always somebody worse off than you
You know that there's always somebody
Worse off than you -
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